How Real Lumberjacks Make Wood

Remember my feeble attempt at collecting firewood for Old Man Taylor (the aquastatic wood burner thingy) a few days ago? That was a laughable effort, now that I've seen how the big boys do it; well, now that I've seen how Farmer Ron does it. Farmer Ron (my dad) makes us youngsters look like senior citizens when it comes to running a chainsaw, and chopping and carrying wood.  He was generous enough to pile all of his firewood-making equipment into the old white pickup truck and make his way 1 1/2 hours south to the new Homer Homestead to help us make wood.  On the fifteen beautiful acres that we inhabit, seven of them are wooded, so we have a viable heat source for Old Man Taylor in our backyard.
Off into the woods we went:

Okay, so this isn't the woods we went off to; this is the guest bedroom shower curtain with a woodsy motif, but it's so cute that I had to work it into the story somehow. Incidentally, it is cute, but the main reason I was so happy to find this adorable curtain is that the walls in this bathroom are a bright lemon yellow. Lemon yellow should not be used in a bathroom-ever. Yellow is a kitchen color; however, I am grateful that this color isn't in my kitchen as I currently have forest green kitchen counters and I am not okay with interior decoration that follows the color scheme of a national football team.

So, off into the woods we went:

View of the back of Homer Homestead from the front of the woods

Where's Waldo? (I mean Bill)



 We jumped into the Kawasaki Mule with the chainsaw, fuel, monster maul, and log splitter hooked up to the back and tore through the field-slowly. Farmer Ron got right to work looking for the perfect tree: I had no idea there was a science to this. Why can't you just chop into the first unsuspecting giant you see? Not how it's done, apparently. You look for a tree that is dead already; that makes sense so that there's no senseless killing. Leave it to almost-Amish Farmer Ron to know just how to make firewood the proper way--he's also been doing this for fifty years.


Farmer Ron assessing the situation

With just a little apprehension I watched as the tree was selected and I was told (several times) where to stand once the tree starts to creak.

Let me tell you about the first time I made firewood with Farmer Ron: I was two years old.  All I remember is being dressed up in a snowsuit and Farmer Ron had on is coveralls and his trademark polka dot handkerchief under his stocking cap.  The next thing I remember is the chainsaw stopping and my dad bending over saying, "Go get mommy." He was shielding me from the front of himself and later I found out that he had ripped his kneecap open with the chainsaw.  I didn't want any repeats of that childhood memory! I don't remember how it turned out, but knowing Farmer Ron's pain tolerance and work ethic, the guy probably needed at least twenty stitches and instead put a bandage and tourniqet on his knee so he could go finish making firewood.

This is how you use a chainsaw:

Not this:

 And most definitely NOT this:


May 2010: Seneca and Kimi goofing around with Farmer Ron's chainsaw



Bill trying to manhandle the tree: what a He-man!

All in all we had a very fun day and Farmer Ron says we chopped enough wood for half the winter's supply: he has no idea how cold-blooded we really are. We keep our house at 75 degrees in the winter and his house is probably no warmer than 65!


The Mule blows the little white cart out of the water!